Lazy Batswana Relieved As Zimbabwean House-Maids Return
Tens of thousands of Batswana allergic to housework bowed and thanked their Maker this week as their overworked and underappreciated Zimbabwean house-helps started trickling through the border fence holes, returning from the recent Christmas holidays. The festive break is said to have crippled many a household across the country as a majority of homeowners along with their spoilt children cannot perform even the most basic of tasks as pick up a broom and sweep.
“I watched CNN the whole of last week crossing my fingers there wouldn’t be a report of a mass shooting in Mutare or the Zim border being bombed or something”, said a relieved self-professed couch potato Mavis Kgang, a Gaborone bank teller.
“I was forced to feed my family takeaways the whole time as Marvelous (Rwelengera, the maid) was not here to cook. Worse, I had to buy my husband new boxer shorts every single day because only she (Marvelous) knows where the clean ones are. Of course if she was here she’d wash the ones piled up, along with my panties.”
The absence of the holidaying maids is said to have reached epidemic status across workplaces Monday as 78% of workers showed up with either creased collars, wrinkled shirts, unkempt hair, mismatched socks, dirty shoes or skirts stained with drops of mayonnaise (or at least what looked like mayonnaise).
Most bosses however, were quite understanding as they were going through the same ordeal themselves, having showed up an hour late to work, owing to no one waking them up.
But disorganized households might not have been the biggest worry, Batswana reported, as many of them had to face some ugly truths with no one to blame but their own family members.
“I’ve been noticing some really strange things around here. First some money went missing. Next half a dozen plates got broken, the phone bill skyrocketed, and just yesterday I find my sex toy in the top drawer and not the bottom one where I usually put it. And it had clearly been in recent use.” a puzzled Jwaneng resident Irene Katlholo told The Clay Cow.
“Now naturally, this would all be Nominee’s (the maid) doing. All of it. But it’s just Richard and I in this house, no one else. Obviously Nominee has some mystical powers and is doing this from Bulawayo, right? Or could my husband be…the sex toy….could he have gotten curious and….” the poor lady queried, stuttering and holding back the tears.
Having suffered the nightmare of their helpers’ absence for what seemed like eternity, Batswana across the country swore to lock them indoors 24/7 and work them like slaves without showing even a shred of appreciation while making sure to underpay them.
It was unanimously agreed that all Zimbabwean housemaids would not be let off to Masvingo, Hwange and Kadoma for the upcoming Easter holidays.